My post-race thoughts.

Wow, what a day yesterday was. I've never felt so much pain and pride all at the same time. When I crossed the finish line, I was almost (I said ALMOST) moved to tears. I don't know if I've even been as proud of myself. I learned so much the last few months. Before I try to put into words everything I've learned, I want you to watch this video first. It does in 30 seconds, what I'm about to take lots of words to do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2k1uOqRb0HU&feature=related

So what did I learn about myself? I would even make it bigger than that, I think I can say what I leaned about life. I learned that nothing can stand in the way of something, when I truly commit myself to it. I learned that he greatest amount of pain I have ever felt, is nothing compared to the pride I feel. I learned that being a good example for your kids, isn't just about how you act with them and the time you spend with them. I learned that the no matter how loose you leave your shoes, your feet will swell up and they will hurt like hell. I leaned that there is nothing better than the sight of your daughter when you are second guessing why you did this. I learned that bandaids are for more than just covering up cuts. I learned that random strangers standing on the side of the road cheering for you, means more than they will ever comprehend. I learned that no matter how nicely you ask, God cannot make the distance go any quicker. I learned that sometimes winning is simply finishing. I learned that sometimes losing is simply quitting. I learned that maybe I don't know the meaning of the phrase "I can't". I learned that at about mile 15, in addition to Gatorade, they give you vaseline as well. I learned that athletics doesn't define me, but that it does shape who I am. I learned that even a PhD in exercise science doesn't make running any easier. I learned to be happy about myself. and in myself. I learned that no matter how awkwardly short runners shorts are, I will never make fun of anyone wearing them again. I learned a really good story to tell my kids someday. I learned that time is not an excuse, if something is important to you, you will find the time. I learned there is something very spiritual that you go through somewhere out there when you are all alone and in pain, yet you keep going anyway. I learned that nobody ever does anything on their own. I learned that Jimmy V was right, if you laugh, think, and cry, it is a heck of day. I learned that lots of you ran a marathon yesterday. I learned that there was no way I took all those steps on my own. I learned that I have a lot of friends and family that love me. I learned I have a lot of friends and family that I love. I could go on and on, but I leave you with this, I learned my one thing. What is it you ask, that's what you have to figure out for yourself.

Flip the switch

Today when I woke up, I could already tell that I had flipped the switch. Whereas last week, I felt nervous, this week I feel like I have my game face on. Those of you who know we well, know I can be a tad competitive at times. I have no off switch for sports. When I play something, I can't go less than 100% even if I want to. A common conversation around my house involves me coming home bruised and bloodied following a rec league basketball game. My wife will ask me what happened, and I will answer something about diving for a loose ball and crashing into the bleachers. She will then ask me why I do that, and I tell her it's not something I think about, I just react and do it. This seems to make zero sense to her, but to me it makes tons of sense. If they are keeping score, I want to win.
Now obviously I have no chance at winning a marathon. Winning in this case is simply finishing, but I can already tell every action I do and will do this week will go towards this. At the gym this morning, I felt like every single rep I did made me that much stronger and faster. Even my food, I'm not looking at it what tastes good, I'm simply looking at it as a fuel source. This exact mindset has always worked for me, and it gives me confidence in what I do. Losing or quitting is not an option. I know when I feel like this that I will run, walk, hop, limp, crawl, or any other way I can think of over the finish line on Saturday. I feel good, I feel ready, and after a month without a single beer, I feel ready to enjoy some adult beverages Saturday afternoon.

The doubt creeps in

Probably half the people who know me would say I'm pretty confident. The other half would take it a step further and say I'm borderline (or past borderline) cocky. I agree with half of you. I'll be honest, I tend to think that for the most part, whatever I try to do, I can accomplish. When the marathon was weeks and weeks away, it seemed like, sure, no problem. Now that it's less than 2 weeks away, it's a lot more like what the hell did I get myself into. While I'm sure most people running their first marathon have a (or several) can I do this moments, I'm really at that point now. I'm hoping by next week the nervous excitement will start to kick in. But right now, all I can think is that I've dealt with every nagging injury I can, and there is no way I'm going to be healthy (or at least 100% healthy). Even during my short taper runs, my knees have been hurting. I do start to wonder if I can do it. A big part of me knows that I have no off switch when it comes to competition and that I would crawl across the finish line if that's the only way I can make it, but that doesn't help ease my mind. I'm not real good at dealing with doubt because I rarely doubt I can do something, so this week has been difficult mentally for me.

The taper is the hardest part

Please excuse the horrible play on a Tom Petty song, but tapering is much harder than I thought it would be. Physcially, it's great. Running less obviously allows for some recovery that is probably well needed. However, mentally, tapering is brutal for me. Since I've never run a marathon before, I'm constantly questioning myself if I am ready. Well, tapering you are at best just trying to maintain the fitness you have, and are not adding to it. Well when you are not exactly sure you are at the level you need to be, it is kind of a scary thing to deal with. You just feel like there is something you should be doing. I've been training hard since May, why am I stopping all of a sudden?
The other thing I've been almost laughing at lately is all these marathons books and blogs that talk about "only running if you are healthy and injury free". This may be the biggest bunch of BS I have ever heard. For most of us, our body gets consistently more pissed at us with each longer run we do. I don't know that my body will EVER get used to, or like the idea of running for 5 hours straight. If I only trained when I was not hurting and injury free, I think I would be able to count on one hand the nuber of runs I would have made, and I probably would've stopped by 5 miles. I have had plantar fasciitis, ITband syndrome, and just as that is clearing up (probably due to compensating while my IT hurt) I'm getting patellar tendonitis in both knees. I just don't know that there is a such thing as "running when healthy". What I have learned though is to suck it up and keep running. As much as I can, I try and make the pain part of the "fun". I use it to remind me why most people don't run 26.2 miles, and why I (hopefully) will. Until next week.